God, You can have my life. Whatever you want from me, I’ll give it to you. Because I know You’re not planning to send me as a missionary to Africa or anything.
Yes, I actually prayed this prayer. I was about 13 or 14. Now grant me this: I assumed that all missionaries in Africa traversed the jungle, lived with the ever-present danger of murder, and, worst of all, didn’t have access to running water and electricity (because, obviously, missionaries don’t go to the developed parts of the world). And yes, not having a place to plug in a stereo was worse to me than the whole “ever-present danger of murder” thing.
How did I know that God wasn’t planning to send me to Africa? Because “the Lord will give you the desires of your heart.” And going to Africa was not a desire I had. So there. 14-year-old me was NEVER going to Africa.
As you have probably already figured out, adolescent me needed a big, fat reality check. And boy did she get it.
The way I see it, there are at least three types of “never”s that can be counterproductive. I was dealing with them all.
The first “never?” I could never do that!
At that age, I didn’t know the first thing about surviving in an untamed environment. I still don’t know much. Suburban SoCal, born and bred, I debate arugula versus endive with my loved ones. I like the “clean” versions of hip-hop songs. The most dangerous thing in this environment is hands-down the people. Cell-phone drivers, the guy whose gaze lingers a little too long as you walk past…Dude, are you checking me out or sizing me up? Ok, so I have seen two rattlesnakes. The first one was tiny, and a friend um, handled it, with a shovel. The other was huge, and I swerved around it in my car. Phwew, close calls with nature. All told, I’m not gonna win Survivor any time soon.
The problem with I could never do that!, whatever “that” is, is that it muddles things that you haven’t done yet with things that are not ever possible for you to do in the future. Maybe I could never participate in a mission trip to Africa because I can’t survive in the wilderness. Or maybe I could learn to survive in the wilderness and then I could go. Or maybe I could help out in an area with great need, but with streets and electricity, i.e.: NOT THE WILDERNESS. Or maybe there are a thousand other things I CAN do that are being blocked by my “I could never” attitude of self-doubt and self-protection. Maybe.
The second “never?” I would never do that!
This second version requires a mandatory invisible string of pearls and a classic Southern accent. Clutch your pearls/collarbone and say it with me: “Whellll, I Never!” ::Humph!:: The way I see it, there is an fear of judgment attached to this attitude. And by never signing up to do something that some people say is “crazy,” by not having to endure the occasional, well-intentioned, second-guessing, I was trying to protect myself from being judged.
No one likes to be judged. But not doing something you should do, or want to do, in order to avoid judgment? That’s a great way to miss out on life. Plus, there’s always going to be someone to second guess a big decision. All of the easy decisions are also generally easily agreed upon. It’s the difficult decision, the one you agonize over for weeks, months, years, the decision that seems to have only difficult options, those are the ones that have supporters and detractors on all sides. But I found that I was letting other people’s limits dictate how I would limit myself. If they would never go to Africa, why should I go to Africa? I probably shouldn’t. Nope. I found out that I should. More on that later.
And the third “never?” I’m afraid I’ll never get to do that. Variations of this third type could be: I’m afraid I’ll never get to have that, and I’m afraid I’ll never stop doing that…
I finally decided that 1) maybe I’d actually like to do missions overseas…even in Africa, and 2) maybe it’s not too risky, or too Jesus-y, or too humbling. It was probably sometime two years ago. But then that third “never” kicked in. How in the heck would I ever go? Now that I’ve finally decided I want to go overseas, I’m too old for those teen mission trips. I’m trained as a therapist, not in community development or public health! What good is a talk therapist who can’t speak the client’s native language? Plus, travel is expensive, I’m scared I’ll never be able to afford it.
I was afraid that I missed my window…that it wasn’t meant to be…at least not for me. But a funny thing happened. A leader of a long-running, yearly trip to Kayamundi, South Africa asked me to apply to join the group. And I agreed to apply. And then my application got accepted. If I was just going to Africa, on a missions trip, that would debunk my “nevers” pretty thoroughly. But not only am I going, but I’m a bit more prepared for some of the projects that we’ll be doing there because of my psychological training (although plenty of people without psych training do very well there). Oh, and don’t let me forget to mention, that since I am going to South Africa with a non-profit organization, for what is truly a good cause, I can fundraise for the trip, and offer tax deductions to my donors for their gifts! (And people have been eager to give generously. It has been a true blessing. If you would like to participate financially in this trip, you can donate via PayPal here, and type AA-Africa in the description box.)
So, I’m going to Africa! And I’m writing this now, not because I think we should never say never, but because I found that, sometimes, saying “never” can expose true fears and true hopes. What have you, or others, said “never” about? Was your path changed unexpectedly? Are you willing to let your path be changed if your “never” ends up being “right here, right now, right in front of you?”
Comments, opinions, and suggestions are always appreciated!
-AABetterPlace
AABetterPlace is dedicated to the idea that each person can make the world, their world, a better place: one decision, one word, one action at a time.
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